I thought long about what I wanted to do for my self portrait and I settled on easy. Not because I wanted to just do it and get it done, but because being in front of the camera scares me. It’s easy for some people to just strike a pose, but for many like me, it’s hard, emotionally and mentally. Being in front of the camera is very different from being behind it. Not knowing how I look like, if it’ll come out right or if am I pretty enough stresses me out. Don’t get me started on post production, where I can zoom in on my pores! Feeling like there is no brush in Photoshop that can clear that mess up.
Much of it comes from a long journey from self-hate and lack of self-care to self love; which is a never ending journey - at least for me it is. Being a photographer and shooting all the beautiful people and making sure my clients are comfortable and secure, is easy. But when it’s my turn, there’s no one behind the camera to tell me I’m doing great or if I’m looking awesome. It really was a struggle to keep going. But alas, I was able to get some images that were decent enough to share. Not what I had imagined for my self portraits.
At the end of the day, this is genuinely me. Wholly and fully. No one can take me away from me. This is who I am and who I will always be. I have my flaws and my scars, but they are MINE. No one else’s. Loving myself is a battle I’m willing to fight, and when I win, I celebrate my life. The battle within myself will continue, but I see a light at the end and there will be an end to this.
Keep fighting those inner demons and don’t let them hold you back from being who you truly are.
Much love and respect,